I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They have beer where we have blood.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
