First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
