Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
