I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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