well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
zippers are such a cool invention
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
