it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize