Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
