She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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