i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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