Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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