people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Drake has all the answers
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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