I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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