Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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