There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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