Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
