Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
