She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
