It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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