My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
