Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
