Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
