Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
