My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
