Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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