uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
