well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize