I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
