I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
