Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
