Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
