Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
