I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
