God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
