This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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