u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize