The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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