he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
