I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize