bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize