If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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