physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
