i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
