Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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