I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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