So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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