oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
