I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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