So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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