i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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