I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
