Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
