I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
stop calling my apartment porn island.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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