I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
