He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
