I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
