I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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