I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
