You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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