Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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