Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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