One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
