Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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