ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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