i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im holly from the hills drunk
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
