having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize