does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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