I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
