i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
