Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize