if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
