My Higher Power is John Stamos
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
