i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
