I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize