my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
