from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
