well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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